Value

self-esteem

/self-es·teem/

confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Seems so simple, yeah?  No.  Women have such a hard time with this.  Oh, I’m sure men do to, but I’m not one of them, so I can’t really speak to their issues.  What I can speak to is the issues of an overweight, female submissive.

Yep, I’m a fat chick.  Nope, I don’t try to downplay it, or sugar coat it. No, I don’t want to hear your platitudes or “oh but you have such a pretty face” or “you’re not that fat”.  All I hear in that is bullshit and insincerity.  I’m fat.  I’m over 40.  I don’t wear makeup and I don’t spend 2 hours curling my hair.  I’m not ugly but I’m not super model beautiful either.

And I am… completely.. ok with that.  I am extremely intelligent, I have a wicked sense of humor, I am incredibly loving, giving, dedicated and loyal.  I’m a hard worker, I get shit *done*, yo.  I have a million positive things about myself that I’m rock solid confident about.

So don’t tell me I can’t be bluntly honest about being fat.  Don’t tell me I can’t use humor about my own weight.  Yep, I make fat girl jokes about myself.  I also mock my own clumsiness when I trip over a non-existent something on the floor.  I also make derp comments when I do or say something incredibly awkward, like the nerd I am.  What the hell is wrong with that?  I don’t hate myself.  I don’t have a horrible image about myself.  I’m just honest and amused by my flaws and idiosyncrasies.

And here’s the interesting thing about that in a D/s relationship.  My Master values me deeply.  He sees me clearly for exactly who and what I am, he knows me inside and out and loves all of the positive things I listed above.  He also fully acknowledges my weight and ‘low maintenance’ life (no makeup, no fussy hairdos, etc).  He doesn’t try to tell me I’m not fat, or get angry with me when I joke about fat girl things.  He chuckles, and if he thinks I’m being too hard on myself, I might get a swat on the ass or a reminder that he clearly has no problems dragging me off or bending me over whatever is nearby when he wants to make use of my body, fat and all.

Some would say that by making jokes about myself, I’m devaluing myself, and thereby devaluing what my Master holds dear.  I beg to differ.  One of the things he loves about me is my blunt honesty.  Another is my sense of humor.  And one of the best things about our intense connection is just how open we are about everything.  He doesn’t ever… EVER…say I’m not fat.  He just simply doesn’t see how my being fat is any kind of an issue.  He loves me, all of me.  Not ‘in spite’ of my body.. but including my body.  It’s part of who I am.  Like my red hair, grey eyes, freckles, and my tendency to randomly trip over the air.

Do I have insecure moments?  Of course.  Every human being does.  I have my days where I’m convinced I’m the ugliest old hag to ever walk the planet.  You know what?  Even supermodels have those days.  It’s just part of being human, having doubts.  It’s perfectly normal.

So.. subby girls, don’t feel like you have to be perfect, or hide your flaws, or refuse to acknowledge your ugly bits, just to be attractive to a Dom.  He’ll love you for who you are… or he’s not worthy of your submission and trust.

And Doms?  Hey, cut us a little slack hm?  We have body image issues, every last one of us.  Don’t deny them.  Don’t deny us.  Don’t try to downplay our flaws like they’re something to be ashamed of and hidden away.  Shine a bright light on every last facet of our beings that you have in your possession, and say blatantly “I see it, I own it, and I love it.”  You want our self esteem to improve in leaps and bounds?  Love us, exactly as we are.  Blatantly and bluntly point to every little flaw, and love it.  Kiss our flabby spots and wink at us as you tie us up and use us in horribly wicked ways, making it very obvious how desirable we are to you – not in spite of those flaws, but with those flaws as part of us.

We say something like “oh god no, I’m not wearing a bikini on the beach, no one wants to see that beached whale look!” – don’t deflect or get mad at us.  Hell, agree with us – because yes, 300lbs in a tiny bikini is not pretty.  You want to make us glow?  Respond with “hm maybe true, but I’ll strap your naked ass to the bed and fuck you for hours.  Better than a beach any day.”  We’ll melt and be headed for the bedroom or playroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind us and feeling so incredibly sexy you won’t believe it.

We love you.  We worship you.  We want more than anything to please you, and if you make our flaws seem like something to be denied, hidden, ashamed of… we’ll fixate on them and hate them because we think you do too.  If you simply acknowledge them as part of the submissive you love to own, we won’t think they’re a big deal either.  You lead, we follow.  It’s a lot of power, and a lot of responsibility.

Use it wisely.

And as always…

I am His.